


Just What The Doctor Ordered

by Jeonghanscheekbones



Series: Angsty Seventeen Fics [7]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Everyone Is Gay, Fluff and Angst, Love Confession, M/M, Non-Consensual Kissing, Or bisexual, lots of crying from Hansol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-23
Packaged: 2020-11-24 01:13:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 15,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20899199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeonghanscheekbones/pseuds/Jeonghanscheekbones
Summary: "It's just..a feeling I guess. Like something's about to happen, but I don't know what. If that means what I think it means, we're in trouble. Big trouble."---Hansol was fucked. He was fucked because as much as he didn't want to admit it, he was hopelessly, embarrassingly, and stupidly in love with his best friend.





	1. The Walls Are Closing In

_The first time Hansol thought something might be wrong. _

"Alright, just one 4 hour flight and then we go home. It was a long week, but we made it," Seungcheol sighed, dropping into his assigned seat as they boarded the plane back to Seoul. They just attended and performed at MAMA Hong Kong and were exhausted from all of the craziness. 

Hansol approached his assigned window seat, it was right behind Seungcheol's. He shoved his bag into the overhead compartment, shuffling to his seat. He collapsed into the much-too-small airplane chair, leaning his head back as he closed his eyes.   
He wanted sleep, he wanted to sleep so bad, but if he slept on the plane, he wouldn't be able to sleep that night.

So Hansol unzipped his backpack and took out the bottle of coffee that he bought at the airport. He unscrewed the cap, taking a sip. 

"Hey, Solie," Seungkwan cheerfully greeted as he plopped down into the seat right next to Hansol, "What's that?" He asked pointing to Hansol's drink. 

"It's..Instant Death Coffee.." He said, reading the label on the bottle, "It has as much caffeine as 5 normal cups of coffee."

Seungkwan stifled a laugh, rubbing his forehead, "Sweet Jesus, Hansol! Ugh, if you have a heart attack on this plane, I'm not giving you cpr," he chuckled, running a hand through his chestnut-coloured hair, "Hm by the way, I downloaded Avengers: Age Of Ultron on my phone, do you wanna watch it?"

He swallowed a sip of his death juice, nodding adamantly, "You know it, bro!" 

*

Once the plane took off, Hansol and Seungkwan got comfortable to watch their movie. Seungkwan threw a blanket over both of them, shielding them from the chill of the plane. They shared Seungkwan's earbuds, as to not disturb the other passengers. 

Once the movie started, Seungkwan shifted in his seat, linking his arm around Hansol's and resting his head on his shoulder, Hansol let him. He always did. Seungkwan was a very touchy person, especially to Hansol. 

About an hour had passed as the watched in silence, Hansol occasionally making a quip about what was happening on-screen, "Oh my god, Steve almost lifted Thor's hammer!" He murmured to Seungkwan, receiving no response, "Kwannie? Oh.."

Seungkwan was fast asleep on his shoulder. The thought of waking him up briefly crossed Hansol's mind, but he decided to let the boy sleep, since he probably needed it. 

Even in his slumber, Seungkwan's arm was still firmly wrapped around Hansol's.   
His chest rose and fell rhythmically every couple seconds, his breaths never speeding up or slowing down; it was calming.   
Hansol could vaguely smell Seungkwan's strawberry scented shampoo mixed with his lavender moisturizer. Pleasant, but not overpowering like some scented products. It was a specific mixture of scents that was unique to Seungkwan. Hansol was quite fond of it. 

The boy looked at so peace when he slept; his forehead free of worry lines, his body relaxed, and his lips soft, plump, and not dry and picked at.   
Seungkwan radiated warmth and happiness, he always did. 

A smirk tugged at the corner of Hansol's lips, his cheeks dusted with pink.   
As he observed his sleeping friend, Hansol started to feel a strange tightness in his chest; his heart was beating much faster than it normally did and his stomach felt like a cement mixer.   
He snapped out of his gaze, the toothy grin vanishing from his face.   
He raised his free hand to his chest, feeling his elevated heart rate, "I really need to lay off the caffeine," he whispered to himself, sighing as he continued watching the movie. He remained as still as he could, as not to wake Seungkwan. 

-

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we will now be making our descent into Seoul," the announcement was made over the loudspeakers. 

Hansol had been busy writing lyrics on his phone, he hardly noticed the announcement. He didn't look up from his phone screen until he felt Seungkwan stirring out of his slumber. 

The well-rested kid lifted his head from Hansol's shoulder, turning to look at him, "Uh..what-uh-are we-uh-landing.?" He rasped, rubbing his eyes. 

"Yeah..ah I'm glad to be home.." Hansol said, smirking as he reached out to brush his fingers through Seungkwan's bed head, taming all the cowlicks for him. As he did so, he felt that tightness in his chest return, but he ignored it, blaming it on the coffee 

Seungkwan grabbed Hansol's wrist, removing his fingers from his hair, "Hansol-ah! Are you ok?!" He asked, his eyebrows raised. 

Hansol instinctively brought his hand to his chest, "Probably just the caffeine-"

"-No no, you're face is so red!" He cut him off, placing the back of his hand on Hansol's forehead, "You're burning up. When we get home, you're taking a nap and I'm making you some soup." 

He chuckled, "Seungkwan, I'm fine! It's just the caffeine I had earlier...probably. Seriously, I'm fine," he put his phone into his backpack and zipped it up, preparing to get up from his seat once they landed. 

Seungkwan rolled his eyes at him, "I'm still gonna make you soup.." He mumbled under his breath as he put his stuff back into his bag aswell. 

*

_ **Side effects of too much caffeine ** _

Hansol typed this phrase into google while the guys were in the car on the way home from Gimpo Airport; he was curious about his symptoms from earlier. He figured it best to just search all of his symptoms. 

_ **Red face, tightness in chest, and weird stomach feeling** _

He didn't expect much from that kind of search, but was pleasantly surprised to find a list of possible ailments given to him. 

_ **Illnesses with these symptoms** _

_ **Clinical Anxiety ** _

_'Well I certainly don't have that.' _Hansol thought to himself. 

_ **Stomach Flu** _

_'No no, I'd know if I had that.'_

_ **You've got a crush on someone, you idiot** _

Hansol's stomach turned, his chest tightening again, "No.." He breathed, staring that the sentence blankly until he came to his senses and turned his phone off, "That's not it."

"What's not it?" Seungkwan asked, raising his eyebrows. 

Hansol turned to look at him, "Hm nothing, sorry, I was just..thinking out loud," he trailed off before hastily changing the subject, "So, man are you excited to have the whole day off tomorrow?"

Seungkwan smiled, "Yeah, I'll probably just sleep all day though."

"Ugh same. I'm ready to crash as soon as we get home. I..really need some sleep," He laughed, running his fingers through his hair.   
The tightness in his chest seemed to stop, his cheeks were no longer so red.   
Maybe the caffeine had finally run its course.   
Because that's all it was.   
Just the caffeine.   
Everything was fine.


	2. Too Close For Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hansol has A Time™ During dance practice. He really needs some sleep.

_The 2nd time Hansol thought something was wrong._

The guys were having their first dance practice in preparation for their upcoming comeback. They'd been working for almost 3 hours and they were all whipped.   
Soonyoung was teaching them the choreography for their title track, and they were about 1/3 of the way done. 

"Ok so this part is going to be the transition between Hansol's rap verse and Seungkwan's bridge," he began, clearing his throat, "Hansol-ah, you're already up at in the front right here so you're going to stay put and..Seungkwan-ah! Oh this part is gonna look so cool!" He gushed, rushing over to where Hansol was standing to demonstrate the dance. 

"While you're singing your line, you two are gonna have like a little part right here where it'll kinda look like you're tango-ing or something," Soonyoung continued, placing his right hand on Hansol's waist, "Hansol, put your right hand around the back of my neck and take a step back with you left foot," he instructed.

Hansol did as he was told, not giving it a second thought. His grip tightened around Soonyoung's shoulder as he did the step back. 

"Ok now take another step back, then step out with you're right foot, good good, just like that. Now the left foot again. Now Seungkwan's hand is going to drag across your chest just like this..yes. Remember, we want it to look sexy, yah?" He ran through the dance move with Hansol a couple of times before he motioned for Seungkwan to come out and do it. 

Seungkwan approached Hansol, flashing him a brief smile as he grabbed him by the waist, taking a step toward him. 

Hansol put his hand on Seungkwan's neck, his cheeks unknowingly dusted with pink.  
They slowly went through the steps a couple of times until they were comfortable with it, marking most of the hand motions. 

"Awesome, now that you've got the footwork, do it one more time, with all the hand motions," Soonyoung said, putting his hands on his hips. 

Hansol nodded, placing his hand back on Seungkwan's neck.   
Seungkwan gripped Hansol's waist, pulling their bodies closer together, their faces only inches apart.   
He could practically smell Seungkwan's cherry Chapstick. 

They took a step back, then another. It felt like it was happening in slow motion. They were standing so close, sharing body heat even.   
Shivers ran all over Hansol's body, his chest tightening again. His face became noticeably tinged with red. 

Seungkwan stepped to the side, teasingly dragging his hand across Hansol's chest before letting go of him entirely and turning back to look at Soonyoung, "How was that, hyung?"

"That was great guys! Why don't you go get some water and then we can start on our b-side track choreo," the dancer said, running his hand through his neon-red hair, droplets of red sweat dripping down his forehead.

Hansol stood on his spot for a few seconds, staring at the ground, waiting until he felt normal again.

"Sol, are you good there man?" Seungcheol asked, clapping him on the shoulder, raising an eyebrow in concern. 

He snapped his gaze back up at his hyung, "Uh-yeah, I'm fine, sorry. I-I just spaced out for a second haha.." He stuttered, giving a polite smile. He let out a deep breath, walking over to the wall to get water.

\---

After working on the b-side choreo for another hour, everyone was tired, as usual. It was nearing 9pm, the guys were anxious to get back to the dorm and have dinner. Jeonghan, Jisoo, Junhui, and Chan left almost immediately.   
Seokmin, Minghao, Wonwoo, and Mingyu were then next few to leave the practice room. 

Hansol sat on the floor, nursing a bottle of Gatorade and looking through his Instagram feed. His head snapped up when he heard a pair of footsteps approaching him. 

It was Seungkwan, he sat down on the floor opposite Hansol, "Hey, do you..wanna practice our part in the choreo a little more, then maybe stop somewhere and have dinner or something?" He asked, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. 

Hansol set his phone down, giving the guy his full attention, "Y-yeah, let's do that," he mumbled, nodding in agreement as they both stood up. 

Seungkwan grabbed Hansol's wrist, dragging him onto the middle of the floor, "Ok let's get this move down perfectly."

Hansol complied, putting a hand around Seungkwan's neck.   
Seungkwan got into position as well, and the two guys went through their solo part, just as they'd done earlier. 

The room was unsettlingly quiet except for the sound of their shoes squeaking on the floor, and their ragged breaths. 

"Ok let's do it again, but maybe in slow motion, so we can really feel the movements," Seungkwan suggested. 

And so they did. 

He snaked his hand around Hansol's waist, his other grabbing his hand. The took a step, then another, then another; Seungkwan inched his face closer to Hansol's with each step. His plump lips curled into a smirk. 

Hansol's heart was beating out of his chest, his face beet red, he didn't know why. He chalked it up to exhaustion. He went through the moves as well, holding his breath until they finished. 

_'Pull it together, Hansol. You're just tired, that's all. You can sleep soon.'_

By this time, Seungcheol and Soonyoung were about to leave the practice room, Seungcheol cleared his throat, signaling for their attention, "Don't stay too late, guys. You still need your rest, so please come back at a reasonable hour," he requested, waving as he shut the door behind him. 

They ran through the choreo again, Seungkwan pulled himself closer again, Hansol's chest tightened..again. 

Seungkwan stared at the wall behind Hansol in concentration, biting his soft-looking lips as he did the steps.   
He remained completely un-phased by the lack of personal space between them.

Hansol, however, wasn't so unphased. His eyes glanced down at Seungkwan's lips and for whatever reason, his brain decided to betray him. 

_'What if I kissed him right now?'_

The rogue thought smacked Hansol in the face like a brick. He immediately let go of Seungkwan, taking a step back from him. He rubbed his forehead, staring at the floor.

_'What the fuck, dude. You must REALLY need some sleep if you're thinking things like that!'_

"Hansol, what the hell?" Seungkwan chuckled, cocking his head to the side in concern, "You good?"

Hansol looked back up at him, "Y-yeah, sorry. It is kinda late already, maybe we should go ahead and go. We can work on this more tomorrow, besides we really need sleep, yah."

He chucked, nodding, "You've got a point, bro. You wanna stop for some grub on the way home?" He asked, picking up his backpack and putting his baseball cap on. 

"You know it..bro," he replied, clearing his throat. He brought a hand up to his cheek to make sure he wasn't blushing. He glanced at his reflection in the practice room mirror, sighing when he saw that he was indeed blushing. He ignored it, shaking his head and following Seungkwan out the door. 

_'I REALLY REALLY need some sleep.'_


	3. I'm Done With Having Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hansol has a very concerning dream, making him anxious around his best friend.

_The third time Hansol thought that something was wrong. _

When he and Seungkwan returned home that night after practicing the new choreo, Hansol collapsed into bed almost immediately, still in his clothes and still with his phone in his hand. He didn't care. He needed to sleep. He MUST be out of his right mind if he's having thoughts such as the one he'd had that night. 

Hansol shoved his face into his pillow, groaning as he sunk into his mattress. His breathing slowed down, his mind drifting away from consciousness. Quickly enough, he was asleep. 

\---

_Hansol wandered through the halls of the Pledis building, drunkenly leaning up against the wall as he did so. He acknowledged that he was wearing his costume from the 아주 Nice music video. _

_He looked up and he was inside his dorm suddenly. His kindergarten teacher walked in for some reason. Hansol didn't question it. _

_"Trust yourself, Hansol. Trust your thoughts.." She said before leaving the room. _

_As soon as she left, Seungkwan appeared. He was also wearing the 아주 Nice outfit. His hair was disheveled and he had tears running down his cheeks. He grabbed Hansol's hands, "Please, Don't you want to be happy?" He asked, exasperated. _

_"What are you talking about?" Hansol asked, looking Hansol in the eyes, "Why are you crying?"_

_Seungkwan sniffled, tightly wrapping his arms around Hansol, "Please Hansol..This is ok, we can make this work!" He cried. _

_Hansol pulled himself out of Seungkwan's grasp, bracing him by the shoulders, "Seungkwan, pull yourself together! Tell me, what the fuck are you talking about?! WHAT are we going to make work?"_

_Seungkwan gulped, "You..you and me.." His voice sounded like it was distant, like it was fading away, "you and me, Hansol..."_

"Hansol! Hansol, wake up!" Soonyoung boomed, shaking Hansol by the shoulders to wake him up. 

Hansol slowly opened his eyes, registering what was happening, "Ah-Get off of me, Hyung!" He growled, pushing Soonyoung away as he sat up in bed. He sighed, rubbing his forehead, "God I just had the weirdest dream.."

Soonyoung sat on the bed next to him, "Hm, what was it about?"

Hansol blanched, he couldn't tell Soonyoung about that dream. He had to think of a lie on the spot, "Well..I was riding a giraffe..and then I was underwater..and then a talking ball of cotton candy tried to murder me.." 

"Yeah that's pretty fucking weird.. Anyway, we have to leave in 5 minutes, so hurry and get ready," Soonyoung said, standing up and leaving their bedroom.

Hansol sat in bed, his head in his hands, "Trust yourself..man that was a wack ass dream. Ugh whatever, it's just a dream, it doesn't mean anything," he groaned, finally getting out of bed. 

\---

After getting ready, Hansol walked into the living room, which was already buzzing with conversation.   
He was basically still half asleep, so he hardly registered that he'd walked up on a conversation with Jihoon, Seokmin, and Seungkwan.   
He was snapped out of his gaze when he felt a hand clap him on the shoulder. The hand, of course, belonged to Seungkwan. 

"We can make this work, right Hansol?" He asked, a sincere smile on his face. 

Hansol got a vivid flashback of his dream, where Seungkwan said the exact same thing. He stood there, agape, trying to think of a response, "I-uh-what?"

"The-the dinner plans for tonight. Jihoon-hyung was saying that we could all go to a restaurant tonight. I was saying that we can make that work, yah?" Seungkwan explained, raising an eyebrow. 

Hansol cleared his throat, nodding, "Oh-aha-yeah, yes, ok," he managed to say, giving the him a polite smile. 

\---

Hansol spent the majority of the morning with Jihoon and Seungcheol, composing a song for their next EP release. It was the first meeting for that particular song, so at that point they were just spitballing ideas.   
It had been almost two hours and they hadn't gotten much done. 

"What if...we wrote a song about how much we love soup.." Jihoon mumbled, gnawing on his pencil as he spun back and forth in his swivel chair; his bleach-blonde hair falling into his face. 

"First of all, Monsta X already did that. Secondly, it sounds like you're just hungry," Seungcheol chuckled, giving Jihoon a playful punch in the shoulder. 

Hansol had exhausted most of his lyrical ideas, but that dream he had last night had been rolling around in his head all morning. After 10 minutes of staring at the floor in complete silence, a string of lyrics just came to him.

"Wait hold on I think I've got a rap verse...ok..  
_flying out to Seoul with a Japan state of mind. Sleep, I never heard of her. Promise, I'm doing fine..."_ Hansol paused, glancing at the ceiling as he tried to think of the next line, _"Don't ask me what I heard last night, I'm running outta time. You want me to be happy, well maybe I'd sooner die, no lie. I'm running outta rhymes. You're confession's got me stressing out about subconscious crimes_ ugh!...Ugh, no, that wasn't any good!" He groaned, shaking his head. 

"Wait wait, hold on, I think you're onto something here. Write that down, or better yet, record it. Then we'll get some food, maybe reconvene tomorrow?" Jihoon asked, standing up from his chair and leaving the studio, shutting the door behind him

Hansol nodded, "Yeah, hyung, will co!" He said, grabbing a pen and paper to hastily write down the lyrics. 

Seungcheol rolled his chair over to him, "So where'd you come up with that?"

Hansol glanced at the floor, rubbing his temple with his fingers as he contemplated whether or not to tell him about the dream, "Hyung, this is gonna sound kinda weird.."

"I'll help you hide the body," the leader replied without hesitation, holding unbreaking eye contact with him. 

Hansol's eyes widened, "What?! No no no, not like that! I-um-I had this really weird dream last night and that's what prompted me to come up with the lyrics.." He trailed off, scratching the back of his head, his cheeks flushed pink. 

Seungcheol hummed in response, still gnawing on his pencil, "Do you wanna talk about it?"

Hansol hesitated, looking everywhere except Seungcheol's eyes. He bit his lip, "Maybe later. Let's just get this recorded and then get some food."


	4. Overhead Of The Aquablue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a peculiar dinner, Seungcheol confronts Hansol about what's been happening.   
Hansol finds himself at an ethical crossroads.

After finishing up dance practice that night, the guys headed over to a nearby restaurant for dinner. As they were crossing the street, Seungkwan approached Hansol, clapping him on the shoulder and unintentionally startling him. 

Hansol jumped half a mile in the air, before sighing in relief when he realized who it was, "Oh..oh hey, what's up?"

Seungkwan bit his lip, walking really close to him and lowering his voice, "Is everything ok? Are you mad at me? You've been avoiding me all day."

Hansol's stomach churned at the thought of unknowingly hurting Seungkwan's feelings, "I-I'm sorry man, I didn't even realize. No, of-of course I'm not mad at you. I guess I've just been kinda preoccupied today," he gave Seungkwan a sincere smile, sympathetically rubbing his shoulder.

"Can you make it up to me by watching a movie with me tomorrow? Thor:Ragnarok is on Netflix!" He asked, biting back an excited grin. The streetlights reflected off of his bright, coffee-coloured eyes. 

Hansol shrugged, "Hell yeah, dude."

The employees at the restaurant had to push 3 tables together for them to all sit together. Just as they reached said tables, Junhui stopped, whipping out his phone, "Selca! This ones for Weibo!"

They all gathered close, Hansol held up a hand heart for the camera. Just as the picture was taken, he felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist. He jumped, letting out a surprised gasp. 

"Woah, dude, sorry! I didn't mean to spook you!" Seungkwan apologized, holding his hands up in the air like he was surrendering to a cop. He gave Hansol a concerned look as he sat down at the table. 

Hansol cleared his throat, "It's ok, you just kinda startled me, that's all," he said, taking the seat next to Seungkwan, ignoring the fact that cheeks had turned bright red. 

•••

Shortly after everyone gave the waitresses their orders, the table began to buzz with lively conversation. Hansol didn't take part though, he just stared at the table, lost in his thoughts.

_'Man that was weird. Seungkwan used to hug me like that all the time. I don't know why I jumped so much.. Not to mention the fact that I was apparently avoiding him today. I feel so bad about hurting his feelings..It makes me sad when he's sad.'_

He couldn't explain all of the stuff that's been going on with Seungkwan lately, all he knew was that he kept acting weird around him and he didn't quite know why.   
Still halfway zoned out, he picked up his glass and took a sip of his water when he suddenly felt a hand grip his mid-thigh. He instinctively gasped, which caused him to choke on his water and go into a minute long coughing fit. 

That reaction caused Seungkwan to hastily snatch his hand away, banging it hard on the edge of the table. He let out a yelp of pain, clutching his hand.

Everyone at the table went silent, staring at the two of them with a mixture of confusion, concern, and amusement. 

"A-are you guys ok?" Seungcheol asked, raising an eyebrow at them from across the table.

Hansol managed to choke out a "We're fine," in between his coughs. 

"What the hell, dude?! What is wrong with you today!?" Seungkwan whispered, still rubbing his hand in pain. He stared at him with wide eyes, mostly out of surprise. 

Hansol coughed a couple more times, averting his gaze, "I'm sorry, I don't know, honestly.." He trailed off, lowering his gaze to his lap in embarrassment. His chest tightened when he looked Seungkwan in the eyes for some reason. 

Seungkwan hugged Hansol all the time, he grabbed Hansol's leg all the time. Why _now_ was Hansol being so weird about it?

Seungcheol stood up abruptly, "Hansol you've..been acting really out of it all day. I think you might be coming down with something. You should rest, I'm gonna walk you back to the dorm, come on," he said firmly, handing Jeonghan his company credit card to pay for dinner. 

Normally, Hansol would insist he was fine, but he knew Seungcheol well enough to know that he wouldn't take no for an answer. He silently complied, getting up from his seat and following Seungcheol out of the restaurant. 

The walk back to the dorm was brief but silent, both parties refusing to speak at all.   
They arrived at their dorm, Seungcheol unlocking the door and letting them both inside. He locked it behind them, wordlessly grabbing Hansol by the wrist and dragging him into his bedroom, "Sit," he said, pointing at the foot of his bed.

Hansol did as he was told, plopping down onto the bed. The two exchanged eye contest for a couple seconds before Hansol spoke, "Hyung, you know I'm not sick-" he weakly protested. 

"-Cut the crap," Seungcheol began, sitting down next to the boy, "You clearly haven't figured this out yet, so I'm going to tell you:  
You have a crush on Seungkwan. There. I said it. Now that it's out in the open, let's talk about it," he said in the bluntest of blunt ways. 

It took a couple of seconds for Hansol to process what he'd just been told. His eyes went wide, his heart dropping into his stomach, "No. No no no, you must have misunderstood. I don't like Seungkwan that way, heck, I'm as straight as a board! I think I'm just a bit sleep deprived is all!" He explained, his voice going an octave higher than he would've liked. 

Seungcheol remained calm, putting a sympathetic hand on the boy's shoulder, "Hansol please, just calm down. It's not that big of a deal-"

"-Look, you're wrong, hyung. You've got it totally wrong. I don't have feelings for Seungkwan, ok?" He shot up from the bed, "I'm sleep deprived. That's it. In fact, I'm going to go have a nap right now. Goodnight, hyung," he said as he walked towards the door. 

"You can't ignore it, Hansol. The signs are all there," Seungcheol bellowed melodramatically, pointing a finger at the boy. 

Hansol turned around, "There are no signs! I am straight and I don't like Seungkwan! Good-fucking-night!" He yelled, exasperated and in shock. He stormed out of Seungcheol's bedroom, slamming the door shut and speed-walking to his own room down the hall, where he barricaded himself inside at once. 

He fell into his bed face first, letting out a deep sigh. He had a dull ache in the back of his throat, the kind you get when you're holding back tears. It didn't phase him, he simply let out a sigh, closing his eyes and sinking into his mattress. 

_"The signs are there."_

_"Trust yourself"_

_"Don't you want to be happy?"_

The thoughts swirled around in his head for too long. He rolled over, staring at the ceiling and gnawing on his bottom lip, "I do not have feelings for Seungkwan. I can't. There's no way. I'm straight, and he's my best friend. I just,,I just don't. There has to be another explanation to what's been going on lately," he whimpered to himself, rolling onto his side and attempting to fall asleep. He tightly shut his eyes, only to be bombarded with more Seungkwan-related thoughts. 

"Thanks a lot, Seungcheol-hyung," he groaned under his breath, "If I can't sleep tonight, it'll be your fucking fault." 

He eventually did fall asleep though, succumbing willingly to the depths of slumber. He needed it.   
After all, sleep deprivation was what was causing all of that weird stuff with Seungkwan.   
He just. Needed. To sleep. 

-

Hansol awoke the next morning to the sound of someone banging on his bedroom door, "Hansol-ah! Can I come in?"  
He recognized the smooth, cheerful voice and knew instantly who it belonged to. 

"Come on in!" He shouted back, his voice still raspy from just waking up. He sat up in bed and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. 

The boy in question entered the room, shutting the door behind him.   
He was already dressed apparently. Just some black skinny jeans and a sweatshirt, though it suited him quite well.   
He came and sad down next to Hansol on the bed, "Goodmorning sleepy head. Are you feeling any better?" he cooed, reaching out and running his fingers through Hansol's messy hair. 

Hansol flinched away, avoiding eye contact with him, "Uh-yeah, I'm fine. I was just a bit out of it yesterday, Sleep deprived. That's all.." He said quietly, his eyes glued on the opposite wall. 

Seungkwan scooted closer, putting his hand on Hansol's knee, "Hansol-ah..are you sure you're ok? Even now, you're acting cold toward me. Please, if I did something, just talk to me about it..." He trailed off, his voice lowering to a whisper. 

Hansol forced himself to bring his gaze back to his best friend.   
The golden sunrise brought out the tinges of hazel in his big, almond-coloured eyes.   
Hansol's heart skipped a beat; he felt his cheeks heating up. 

_'Seungkwan is your best friend and you're making HIM feel bad because of YOUR little crisis. Forget what Seungcheol said last night and just treat Seungkwan like normal!'_

He took a deep breath, sitting up straight, "I-uh-I'm sorry if I came off that way, Kwannie. I've just been...preoccupied over the last couple of weeks," he put his hand on top of Seungkwan's, he didn't know why, it just felt right, despite making his chest tighten even more, "I'll make it up to you. Let's have one of our movie nights tonight, just as I promised last night. Thor:Ragnarok huh? I'll get us some snacks too!" 

Seungkwan's mouth curled into a big grin, "You're the best, Solie," he said, wrapping his arms around Hansol's torso, pulling him into a tight hug. 

Hansol hesitantly hugged him back, his hands loosely gripping onto Seungkwan's sweatshirt; his face buried into his shoulder. Hansol noticed for the first time how nice Seungkwan smelled. 

Seungkwan was so soft, and warm. Comforting. Like a blanket that, for some reason, Hansol didn't want to let go of. He held onto him a little tighter, letting out a sigh and closing his eyes. He didn't realize how tense he was until that moment, where he became so relaxed. That hug made him feel more calm and at peace than he had in a long time. 

_'Oh..'_

His heart was skipping beats, his stomach had butterflies in it, his whole body felt all warm and fuzzy, and his cheeks were burning hot. 

_'Oh no..'_

They both eventually pulled away from the hug, scooting back to their original positions.   
Hansol looked at him, biting his lower lip. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. 

_'Please, no.'_

"You really needed that hug, didn't you? Luckily, you're best friends with the right guy, I like hugs more than anybody I know haha," Seungkwan chuckled, giving a pleasant smile as he ran his fingers through his hair. He glanced at his watch, his eyes widening, "Oh would you look at the time, we've got to leave soon. By the way, I'm super pumped for movie night," he gave a playful wink to his best friend, walking briskly out of the room and shutting the door behind him. 

Hansol sat in silence, letting out a deep breath. He gulped down the slight lump in his throat, drawing his hand up to his mouth and blinking hard a couple of times. His whole face went warm, goosebumps prickled over his arms. 

_'Seungcheol hyung was right.'_


	5. Is It Still Me That Makes You Sweat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hansol and Seungkwan have a movie night, which leads to Hansol having a realization.

"No. No no no, that's absolutely not it. Seungcheol is NOT right," Hansol whispered to himself as he got out of bed and got himself all dressed and ready to leave, "This..its just a fluke. It was just a one-time, weird thing that happened and will never happen again because I am straight and I am NOT attracted to Seungkwan."

He anxiously left his bedroom, taking only two steps into the hall before he saw into you-know-who again. 

Seungkwan stood at the end of the hallway, talking to Junhui.  
His chestnut hair was pushed back to reveal his forehead and his strong eyebrows. He licked his plump lips as he conversed with his Chinese hyung, resting his hands on his slender hips comfortably.  
His all-too-tight skinny jeans complimented his body perfectly and-

_''No no no no no! Shut up! Just shut up, Hansol! It's all in your head!'_

Hansol made up his mind. He couldn't let this weird couple of days effect their friendship. It'd kill him if he hurt Seungkwan's feelings again. 

He walked into the living room, hesitantly approaching Seungcheol. 

"Morning, Sol," the leader said briskly, looking up from his cellphone. 

Hansol put a hand on his arm, stepping closer to him as to keep their conversation private, "I'm sorry about snapping at you last night, hyung," he said, "I'm..feeling much better now."

"Water under the bridge, my friend," he smirked, raising an eyebrow. 

"Seungkwan and I are best friends. That's all we will ever me, and it's all I want us to be. I just had a weird couple of days. Can we just forget it happened and never bring it up again?" He asked, a sense of desperation in his voice. 

Seungcheol nodded, "Of course, man. It's all good."

"Good."

-

After the guys returned home that evening, they all dispersed to go about their business. 

Junhui and Minghao went into the kitchen to raid the fridge for all of the leftovers they had.  
Jihoon, Wonwoo, and Mingyu were sitting in the living room writing lyrics.  
Chan, Soonyoung, and Seokmin were playing video games in Soonyoung and Hansol's room.  
Seungcheol, Jeonghan, and Jisoo were upstairs doing god-knows-what in their bedroom. The younger members all knew what _'God-knows-what'_ was, but they preferred not to think about it too much. 

Seungkwan and Hansol retreated to Seungkwan's bedroom for their movie night. 

"Ok, I loaded up on snacks for us. I got some prawn crisps, red bean mochi, some peppero, and some milkita. You think that will be enough?" Hansol asked, dumping the miscellaneous bags of snacks onto the bed. 

Seungkwan giggled, opening his laptop, "That should be good. I've got Thor:Ragnarok here and if that doesn't satisfy our Marvel craving, then we can also watch Black Panther again. Wakanda Forever!" He yelled, making his arms into an X shape. 

Hansol turned off the lights and drew the curtains. Seungkwan got the movie ready to play, opened the bag of prawn crisps, and stacked up some pillows at the head of his bed. 

The two boys got comfortable; Hansol's head elevated on the stack of pillows, Seungkwan's head resting on Hansol's shoulder.  
They started the movie, munching away at the chips. 

Every couple of minutes, they would grab for the crisps at the same time; their hands brushing against each other as they reached into the bag.  
Hansol's heart skipped a beat every time it happened, despite how much he didn't want it to.

After two and a half ours of Taika Waititi's directing genius, they'd finished up their snacks, but weren't quite ready to go to bed yet.  
They decided to watch Black Panther. 

Like most of the times when they would watch movies together, Seungkwan fell asleep rather quickly. He slept peacefully on Hansol's shoulder, clinging onto his arm like he usually did. The only difference was that this time, Hansol was hyper aware of it. 

_'He's so warm, and soft, and comforting. Oh my god I never want this moment to end..NO HANSOL NO STOP IT!'_

He squeezed his eyes tightly shut. He wasn't even paying attention to the movie anymore; he was too lost in his intrusive thoughts.

He thought about the kind of feelings he'd been having in the recent weeks. His heart beating oddly, his chest tightening, the butterflies in his stomach, the uncontrollable blushing and sweating, the stuttering, the anxiety. 

He remembered when they were flying home from the MAMA awards the previous month; the weird feelings he had when Seungkwan fell asleep on his shoulder back then. 

When he and Seungkwan practiced that dance routine, and they stood so intimately, sharing body heat. The way he felt when their bodies were pressed together, Seungkwan's lips only inches away from his. The cursed moment when Hansol asked himself _'What if I kissed him?'_ And then instantly regretted it. 

When they were at the restaurant, and Hansol practically had an aneurysm every time Seungkwan so much as touched him. How Seungcheol was SO certain about what was going on. 

Upon recalling every instance in which he had these feelings, Hansol realized there was one common factor amongst all of them. 

And that common factor happened to be asleep on his shoulder. 

_'Seungkwan makes me feel this way.  
Oh my god...I have feelings for Seungkwan.'_

The realization hit him like a sack full of bricks. He didn't want to believe it. He didn't want it to be happening. His stomach violently churned. 

_'Face it, Hansol. Whether you like it or not, you're into Seungkwan.'_

He glanced down at the guy sleeping on his shoulder. The light from the laptop screen illuminated Seungkwan's delicate features. His soft, plump lips, his cute little button nose, his strong cheekbones, his flawless complexion.

_'He's beautiful,'_

That wasn't news to Hansol. He knew what Seungkwan looked like, but he'd never looked at him the way he was looking at him now. He looked at him like he never wanted to look away; like Seungkwan was his entire world.  
It was new, and different; the way Hansol was feeling. He didn't know what to do. All he knew was that he didn't want the moment to stop, ever. 

Seungkwan shifted in his sleep slightly, his hand brushing up against Hansol's, sending shivers down Hansol's spine. His strawberry shampoo infiltrated Hansol's nose, drawing a smile onto his face. 

At some point, the movie ended and the laptop screen went dark. Hansol closed the laptop and set it down on the bedside table, careful not to move too much so he wouldn't wake Seungkwan. The pitch darkness enveloped the room, accompanied by the chilling silence. The only noise was Seungkwan's steady, melodic breaths. 

Holding his breath, Hansol ever-so-cautiously laced his fingers with Seungkwan's, praying that he didn't wake up. Successful in his move, he let out a slow sigh.  
Hansol dreaded the impending end of the moment; he didn't want it to end. He hesitantly pressed his lips softly on Seungkwan's forehead, biting back a smile, "You're perfect, Kwannie," he whispered as quietly as he could, knowing that he'd be a dead man if Seungkwan woke up. 

Hansol sighed, resting his head on top of Seungkwan's, savoring the moment as much as he could. Soon, his eyelids were too heavy to keep open, and sleep overtook him aswell.


	6. A Wonderful Caricature Of Intimacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having come to terms with his feelings, Hansol now has to figure out how to act 'normal' around Seungkwan...it's harder than it looks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW- very brief reference to b*limia/eating disorders but only for like a second

Hansol was the first to wake up the next morning. 

His first waking thoughts were _'Hm, I'm in Seungkwan's bed, cuddling with him.'_

His second waking thoughts were _'Oh shit, I have a crush on him now. Fuck, now I'm all nervous. We've slept in the same bed before, we've cuddled countless times, this is no different. Ok I just have to not wake him up yeah?'_

He could tell his head was buried in Seungkwan's neck, and his arm was wrapped around his torso. He felt so warm, and protected, and comfortable. This wasn't out of the ordinary for them. For Seungkwan, it was just another best friend sleepover cuddle sesh.   
For Hansol however, it was emotional torture. 

Hansol slowly opened his eyes; his face was so close to Seungkwan's. If he wanted to, he could lean in and kiss him right then and there. Obviously, he wouldn't, though the thought still crossed his mind anyway. 

He contemplated waking Seungkwan up, but decided against it. Waking him up would mean having to get up, and he didn't want to stop cuddling.   
Hansol closed his eyes again, sighing as he just enjoyed the moment for a little while longer. 

After probably 5 minutes of peaceful bliss, Hansol felt a little tap on his shoulder, "Wake up, sleepyhead," Seungkwan cooed gently, his voice smooth as honey despite him having just awoken. 

He slowly opened his eyes, pretending to have woken up just then. Seungkwan hadn't made any effort to get up either. 

"Good Morning, Kwannie," he whispered back, slowly sitting up, Seungkwan doing the same. 

"How was Black Panther? I think I fell asleep during the movie," he groaned, running his fingers through his hair. 

Hansol bit back a stupid grin, "It was great," he lied, as he'd barely been paying attention to most of the movie. He was too busy having his little crisis. 

-

Throughout the following week, Hansol discovered a very inconvenient, new problem in his life. Now that he was aware of his feelings for Seungkwan, it made EVERYTHING suddenly awkward. 

The two got dressed in Seungkwan's room that first morning, Hansol borrowing Seungkwan's clothes. Despite having changed in front of each other countless times, Hansol now had to look the other way, because he knew his cheeks would be bright red if he watched Seungkwan strip. 

In the car on the way to work every morning, Hansol couldn't help but notice that Seungkwan's thigh was firmly pressed up against his. They sit next to each other in the car every damn morning for the last 5 years, but he never seemed to notice until now and it was kinda making him crazy. 

Hansol never noticed before how much Seungkwan liked to just,,,touch him. Platonic hand holding, platonic back hugs, platonic cheek kisses, or platonic thigh grabbing. It was too close for comfort, too intimate, and too driving-him-insane. 

He never noticed how thoughtful Seungkwan was, how selfless and kind he was to everybody. The way he handed out compliments and advice like it was candy. The way he helped out the Pledis staff members every chance he got.   
He'd give someone the shirt off his back if they asked, and Hansol really admired it. 

Throughout the week, Hansol tried his best to be normal around Seungkwan. Apparently, his best wasn't good enough, because Seungkwan still asked him what was wrong like 200 times a day. It killed Hansol to keep the secret, but what other choice did he have. 

-

"This was the last Melona bar they had, I snagged it for you since its your favorite," Seungkwan said as he returned from the Pledis cafeteria. The two were having lunch inside an empty recording booth, they had to write some lyrics and they wanted a quiet work space. 

Hansol grabbed it, flashing him a toothy smile, "Thank you, Seungkwan," he replied, almost in a whisper, his eyes quickly moving back to the blank notebook in his lap. 

They sat on the floor, backs up against the wall, their food in front of them. They always worked like that, for some reason it seemed to make them more productive. 

Seungkwan took a sip of his water, "Do you have anything yet?"

Hansol sighed, licking his Melona bar. He and Seungkwan needed to have a set of lyrics done by the end of the day and they had nothing, "Not really.." He groaned, hitting his head against the wall. 

"I haven't got anything either," he replied, putting his hand on Hansol's knee.

_'Oh my god, he's touching your knee right now what do you do?!'_

"Seungkwan-ah," he began, not quite knowing where the sentence was going. The words were coming out, but he didn't have much of a say about it, "I've got a song concept. Like,,,they've got feelings for someone that they shouldn't have feelings for. They know nothing good can come of it but they hold onto it anyway because they like pretending that everything is ok.." He trailed off, starting to hastily scribble things down into his notebook. 

"That's a good concept. Got any lyrics to go along with it?" Seungkwan asked, raising an eyebrow at him. 

"_Someone standing right there could be invisible, the butterflies make you wish you were invincible. Divisible, the feelings are permissible. You want nothing more than to say how you feel, but you can't spill your guts or put God at the wheel.."_ The lyrics just came out of nowhere, they weren't great, but it was enough to get the gears turning.   
He paused momentarily, thinking of the next line, _"occupying each of my thoughts, I'm sleepless. I could ruin everything, that's only part of my fear. Everyday another challenge and I'm fighting for my life here.  
The words are acidic, they're corroding my vocal cords. Prayed to every god, hallelujah, thank the lord. Never thought once you weren't worth dying for. I dont get emotional so what the fuck am I crying for.."_ His voice cracked at the very end, it may have hit a little too close to home. He looked at Seungkwan, his eyes a little bit misty, "Something like that," he whispered, blinking back the possibility of tears. 

Seungkwan was quiet for a moment before clearing his throat and replying, "That was great. Let's use it," he said, sipping his water some more.

Hansol finished scribbling down the lyrics. He put his pen down, sighing and staring at the opposite wall, licking his Melona Popsicle again. The two sat in awkward silence for several moments, tension filling the room. Hansol shifted in his seat, glancing at Seungkwan for a moment before drawing his eyes back to his notebook. 

"I think I'm kinda gay," he blurted out. He didn't know why he said it, it just kinda,,happened. 

Another beat of silence. 

He turned to look at Seungkwan, his face burning red, "I'm gay, Seungkwan," he repeated, his voice barely above a whisper. The room was so quiet, he could hear his own heart beat. 

Seungkwan let out a deep breath, putting his arm around Hansol and locking eyes with him, "Me too, but you already knew that," he patted Hansol on the shoulder, "So, when did you know you were gay?"

Hansol had to choose his words carefully, as not to give too much away, "It never crossed my mind until a little while ago, maybe a month ago. I've never really..said it outloud..or told anyone.." He glanced at the ground, rubbing the back of his neck. 

Seungkwan held onto Hansol a little tighter, "It takes a lot of guts to come out," he began, sighing, "That's you, Hansol. You've got more confidence than most of us could ever dream of having. I admire it," the corners of his lips perked up into a smile. He ran his fingers through Hansol's hair cutely. 

Hansol could feel his chest tightening again. What he wouldn't give to just grab Seungkwan and kiss him right then and there. He sighed, trying to compose himself, "Alright..lets get these lyrics finished and on Jihoon hyung's desk," he said finally, smiling at Seungkwan. 

-

2:30am

Hansol laid in bed, sleepless. He stared numbly at the bottom of Soonyoung's bed (they had bunk beds), just lost in his thoughts. 

Only one thought went through his mind. 

"Seungkwan," he whispered to himself. He'd spend hours thinking about him.   
Almost every interaction they'd ever had flashed before his eyes. 

Every late night they spent working on choreography, where they collapsed on the practice room floor, drenched in sweat and aching all over, but they still had smiles on their faces because they were having fun and they were together. 

Every time they fell asleep huddled together on Seungkwan's bed after one of their movie-marathons, they wake up the next morning to find themselves cuddling, and they'd laugh it off and turn it into a tickle-fight. 

The times Hansol broke down into tears right after a comeback stage because he just physically couldn't handle all of the pressure and exhaustion, and Seungkwan let him cry on his shoulder backstage; he was strong so Hansol could be weak for a little while. 

The times Hansol found Seungkwan hunched over the toilet with his fingers down his throat, and he sat with him on the bathroom floor for an hour, wiping his tears and promising that everything would be ok and that things would get better. Things would always get better. 

Everything he and Seungkwan went through.   
Every smile.   
Every hand touch.  
Every hug.   
Every fight.   
Every reconcile.   
Every "I love you, man."  
All of it. 

Hansol's feelings didn't just start on that plane ride back from the MAMAs last month.   
He always felt something special for Seungkwan, something that he'd never had with anyone else. 

His face felt hot, a tear fell from his eye and trickled down his temple, falling onto his pillow. Of course, more tears followed, and before he knew it, he was stifling a sob as not to wake up his sleeping roommate. His chest tightened painfully, making it challenging to breath normally. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut, covering his mouth with his hands as more hot, salty tears pooled on his pillow case, and he was trying his best to restrain the strangled cries that were escaping his lips without his permission. 

'_I'm in love with Seungkwan.'_

He was fucked. He was absolutely fucked.   
If he told Seungkwan how he felt, their friendship would be ruined, or worse, their whole group dynamic would be ruined. That would cause Seventeen's popularity to decline, possibly making Pledis lose a bunch of money, and then they'd have to disband and everyone's life would be ruined all because Hansol had to go and tell Seungkwan how he felt.   
So yeah, the crying was warranted. 

He took out his phone, searching through his camera roll until he spotted the picture he was looking for. It was a selfie of him and Seungkwan that was taken a couple of months back. Seungkwan had snuck up behind Hansol and pulled him into a tight back hug just before the photo was taken.   
They were both smiling so big, they were so happy.   
He wished he could still be that Hansol in the picture, the Hansol that didn't know how he felt about Seungkwan. He wished things didn't have to be so awkward between them, but they were. There was no 'fixing' the situation. He was just,,,fucked. 

Hansol was fucked. He was fucked because he was hopelessly, embarrassingly, stupidly in love with his best friend.


	7. The Sharpest Lives Are The Deadliest To Lead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sleepless night leads to a fun excursion for Seungkwan and Hansol

Hansol put his phone away, trying, once again, in vein to go to sleep. He turned into his side, pulling the duvet up to his chin and closing his eyes.  
Seungkwan's image seemed to be plastered to the inside of his eyeballs. 

Seungkwan at dance practice. Seungkwan eating dinner. Seungkwan and him. Both of them, together, in Seungkwan's bed, cuddling. Their faces inching closer, their lips touching. Seungkwan's hands wrapping around Hansol's waist as he deepens the kiss and-

_'And I am so whipped for him, sweet Jisoos.'_

It was nearly morning, anyway, so he decided to go ahead and get up. He got out of bed and tiptoed out of his room and to the kitchen, he felt his way to the refrigerator since he didn't turn on any lights.   
He opened the refrigerator and grabbed an energy drink, popping the can open and taking a sip. 

"I thought you were gonna stop drinking so much caffeine."

Hansol jumped, spilling some the drink onto the floor. He turned toward the kitchen table in the corner. A barely-visible dark figure sat in the chair facing him, illuminated only by the moonlight.   
After a moment of processing, Hansol recognized the silky-smooth voice, "Seungkwan? Ugh Seungkwan, don't fucking scare me like that!" He pretend-scolded, approaching the table as he sipped his drink. 

"Apologies. It didn't sound as creepy in my head," Seungkwan defended, chucking slightly.

Hansol nodded, "Hm.. What are you doing up at 3am?"

Seungkwan cleared his throat, standing up, "Couldn't sleep. I assume you had the same problem?" He walked around the table over to Hansol, his hand patting each chair as he walked so to not bump into any of them. 

He hummed in response, sipping his drink slowly. A beat of silence passed, Hansol could feel his friend staring at him though the darkness. 

"You wanna get out of here?" He asked, completely out of nowhere. 

"Uh...it's 3am."

"And..? Cmon, neither of us can sleep, let's just go and walk around town or something. Get some food, I don't know," Seungkwan asked, his tone suddenly more uplifting than before. 

Hansol hesitated for a moment before answering, "Alright," he replied finally. 

He set his energy drink on the counter, going to his room to grab his phone and wallet before meeting Seungkwan back at the front door a minute later. 

The two guys left the dorm, getting into the elevator that went to the lobby of their building.   
Hansol always had this fantasy about making out in an elevator, though he's never gotten to do it. He obviously didn't expect anything of the sort, but the mental image definitely crossed his mind. Oh how much Hansol wanted to just grab Seungkwan by the shirt collar and smash their lips together. 

_'Only in my dreams.'_

They reached the ground floor, exiting the building. Before they knew it, they found themselves on a busy, Seoul sidewalk.   
Seoul was surprisingly lively at 3:00am, though the crowd is somewhat less desirable than during the day. Mostly just drunk clubbers, low-rate hookers, and drug dealers.   
The streets were lined with enticing neon signs meant exclusively for drawing the eye of an unsuspecting possible consumer. Little stars blanketed the night sky; a chilly breeze prickled at Hansol's skin, sending a shiver down his spine

The two had walked in silence up until that point, "Anywhere in particular you wanna go?" Hansol asked, glancing at him briefly. 

"I figured we'd just walk until we found something that piqued our fancy," he chuckled, putting his arm around Hansol, pulling him closer as they walked. 

He wrapped his arm around Seungkwan's waist.   
That gave Hansol a rush of adrenaline, knowing that an unsuspecting person walking down the street might think that he and Seungkwan were a couple, judging by the way they were walking. If he really tried, he could pretend that they were. That they were just boyfriends walking with their arms around each other.   
But that's all it was. Pretending. It would never be real. 

"Oh my god, Solie, you must be freezing," Seungkwan suddenly said, noticing the fact that Hansol was wearing only a tshirt and basketball shorts, as opposed to Seungkwan's long sleeve shirt + a hoodie. He quickly unzipped his hoodie and took it off, handing it to Hansol, "Put it on."

Hansol tried to shove it back at him, "No no no I'm fine. It's ok," he protested weakly.

Seungkwan wouldn't take no for an answer. He refused to continue walking until Hansol put it on. Once he did, Seungkwan made the very bold move of grabbing Hansol's hand and holding it in both of his, "I knew you were cold, your hands are like ice. I'll warm them up."

To no surprise, Hansol's heart was beating out of his chest. Was Seungkwan seriously holding his hand? He sighed, keeping his eyes on the pavement in front of him, "Thank you," he mumbled. 

"Anything for you, Solie," Seungkwan said, lacing his fingers with Hansol's.

'_I wish he wouldn't say stuff like that. I wish he wouldn't do things like give me his jacket or hold my hand because all it does is remind me how AMAZING it feels to touch him, or be close to him, or spend time with him. All it does is remind me that it will always mean so much more to me than it does to him.'_

They walked in silence for several more awkward minutes before Seungkwan pointed at a neon sign in front of them, "Wait...Karaoke! Let's do it!"

There was a karaoke club right there next to them. Hansol considered the idea for a couple of seconds before eventually just going along with it. The two went inside the impressively decorated building, approaching the front desk.   
Seungkwan slammed his credit card down at the front desk, requesting a private room. The woman behind the counter complied. 

Once inside the small room, Hansol plopped down on the couch, motioning for Seungkwan to pick out a song first, "This'll be interesting. It's been awhile since I've done karaoke sober."

Seungkwan picked his song, and soon the music started. It was ONGSHIMI by Minhyuk and Joohoney. He immediately started jumping around and clapping his hands, "ONGSHIMI SHIMI OMGSHIMI! ONGSHIMI SHIMI ONGSHIMI! Let me introduce myself. 안녕하세요 Minhyuk 입니다!"

Hansol burst into laughter at Seungkwan's song choice, clapping his hands and dancing along throughout the whole thing.   
The two danced and screamed the lyrics for the whole 3 minutes, having a blast. 

Seungkwan collapsed onto the couch after it was over, handing Hansol the mic, "Now you pick a song."

Hansol searched through the options and stopped when one song caught his eye. The ballad he chose was Please Don't by K.Will. He always loved the song, despite the fact that it highkey made him cry.   
He chose it, and soon the melodic rhythm started to play. 

"나란히 앉은 자동차 속에선  
음악도 흐르지 않아  
늘 잡고 있던 니 왼손으로  
너 입술만 뜯고 있어  
니가 할 말 알아 그 말만은 말아  
Don't know why Don't know why  
일분 일초 더 끌고 싶은데  
텅 빈 길 나를 재촉해" Hansol sang, realizing that the lyrics hit a little too close to home for him, in regards to his feelings for Seungkwan. He held eye contact with him, sitting down on the couch next to him as he sang. He ruffled Seungkwan's hair before standing up and walking around the small room a bit more, "빙빙 돌아온  
너의 집 앞이 나 익숙해 눈물이 나와  
하루가 멀게 찾아온 여기서  
길을 내가 잃은 것 같아  
이러지마 제발 떠나지마 제발  
Don't know why Don't know why  
비도 안 오는 유리창 넘어  
뿌옇게 멀어지는 너"

Seungkwan bobbed his head at the song, sipping his water as he watched Hansol intently. 

As Hansol's song came to an end, he locked eyes with Seungkwan. It almost felt like he was serenading him.   
The music stopped and he lowered the microphone from his mouth. It was was only then that he realized he had tears running down his cheeks. He sniffled, averting his gaze from his friend and wiping his face. 

"Did the song move you that much?" Seungkwan asked cheekily, standing up.   
He took a step toward Hansol, wiping a tear off his cheek with his thumb, "It was a beautiful performance," he whispered, giving Hansol a bittersweet smile and a pat on the shoulder, "Your singing doesn't get enough credit."

"I-um-thanks. Why don't you sing something now," Hansol shoved the microphone at Seungkwan, sitting back down on the couch. 

_'I can't believe I just cried because of some stupid song. But oh my god, the way he wiped that tear off my face. God he's gotta stop doing stuff like that, it really sends the wrong message.'_

-

After Karaoke, the boys walked down the Seoul sidewalk some more. It was almost 5:00am, so the streets were essentially desolate. 

They walked in silence, eyes glued on the pavement in front of them for several minutes. They were only a couple minutes from their dorm, so they decided to just head back there. 

Seungkwan was the first to break the long silence, "Remember our movie night last week?"

"Y-yeah," Hansol glanced at him, biting his lip. He remembered that night very clearly, since it was the night that he realized he was in love with Seungkwan.

"When the movies were over..and we were going to sleep...You held my hand...and kissed my head..and said I was perfect," Seungkwan said under his breath, looking at him. He was biting back a smile. 

A pang of anxiety shot through Hansol, his heart dropping into his stomach, "Um.." 

"It means a lot. And if it's any consolation, you're perfect too," he put his arm around Hansol again, pulling him close and resting his head on the younger's shoulder, "I don't know what I'd do without you, man."

Hansol gulped, attempting to pull himself together, "Right back at you, boo." He mumbled out, sighing as his gaze returned to the sidewalk. He ran his fingers through Seungkwan's hair, "I love you, man."

"Love you too, bro," Seungkwan murmured in reply, letting out a small giggle.


	8. The Ringing In My Ears Gets Violent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hansol makes a horrible mistake during their comeback stage, and he has to pay the price.

The following month was long and difficult.  
Seungkwan's and Hansol's friendship hadn't suffered..yet; in fact, they were closer than ever, which Hansol had mixed feelings about. 

As elated as he was that he and his best friend could still have their movie nights, they could still practice together, laugh and joke with each other, and sleep in the same bed, he was also going absolutely crazy over it. How could he not get nervous when Seungkwan insisted on clinging onto him like a touch-starved koala all the time?

Hansol thought he would've been over his unrequited love by this time, but it was basically the opposite. He wanted so bad to just tell Seungkwan how he felt, but the grave consequences were keeping him from doing it.   
It was killing him, slowly but surely. 

-

After weeks and weeks of hard work and constant practicing, Seventeen were ready for their comeback. They'd recorded the EP, perfected the choreography, filmed the MV, dyed their hair, and they were ready for their comeback stage. 

They were going onstage any minute. All of the guys were plenty prepared, they could do the choreography in their sleep.   
Hansol sat in the corner of the dressing room, anxiously fiddling with his ring and staring off into space. 

"Alright guys, lets go ahead backstage," their manager announced leading them out of the dressing room. 

Before he knew it, he was standing at the wings of stage right with Seungkwan. He could hear the cheers of the audience and the microphone feedback of the announcer. The bright stage lights were blinding.   
His heart was beating out of his chest as he prepared for the intro music to begin, the butterflies in his stomach were particularly bad. He didn't know why he was so nervous.   
He glanced over at Seungkwan, being instantly calmed. 

The stage lights reflected off Seungkwan's beautiful, chocolate eyes. He didn't seem nervous at all, only excited. After all, Seungkwan LIVED to perform. It was his favorite thing in the world. 

The lights went out, and the music started.   
All 13 of them went out on stage and got to their starting positions.   
Everything was going perfectly fine. The in-ear audio and the cheering carats drowned out the voices in his head. As the some went on, Hansol's anxiety seemed to fade away, after all, he loved to perform too. He was more confident than ever. He was hitting every beat perfectly, then he spat his rap verse flawlessly. He even gave a cheeky wink to the camera for fanservice.   
Everything was going perfect. 

Then Hansol fucked up. 

He didn't know how it happened, or why, or what in god's name he was thinking. 

Seungkwan started singing his lines, approaching Hansol just as they'd practiced, they locked eyes, wordlessly confirming that they were dancing in sync.   
That's when it all went wrong.   
Seungkwan put his hand on Hansol's waist, pulling their bodies too close for comfort, and that's when Hansol...kissed him. He just,,did it. They were so close, his lips were right there. It happened so fast, their mouths just connected for a single second.   
Before he could even process it, they'd finished their tango and had gone back to dancing with the group. 

Hansol couldn't afford to dwell on his mistake, he had to just keep dancing and forget about it until after the performance. The remaining 3 songs seemed to drag on for what felt like hours, he couldn't wait for it to be over. 

-

After the performance, the guys all walked off stage, heading back to their dressing room. Hansol kept his head down, refusing to talk to anyone or look at anyone, especially Seungkwan.   
Once in their dressing room, Hansol ripped off his mic pack at once, putting it on the makeup counter. He beelined for the back corner, sitting down and drawing his knees to his chest. 

Hansol wanted to cry, he wanted to disappear. Thankfully, everybody left him alone. He noticed that Seungkwan was preoccupied with some of the stylists, which Hansol was thankful for. He couldn't bear to look Seungkwan in the eyes, not after what he did. 

After about 15 minutes had passed and everyone except Hansol had taken their makeup off and changed back into their normal clothes, Seventeen's manager came into the dressing room, shutting the door behind them. Manager Dahyeon-Noona had a stoic frown on her face, she hastily pulled her hair into a ponytail. She cleared her throat to get everyone's attention, "Hey guys..so uh..can you all-uh-sit down please. I've got something to address here.." 

Everyone went quiet, patiently waiting for her to continue. 

"First of all, fantastic show, guys. Your hard work really showed, that performance was phenomenal..." She trailed off, her smile vanishing, "There is, however, something we might need to have a discussion about," she sighed, sitting down, "I think we might need to have a review about what kinds of fanservice are acceptable."

Hansol's heart dropped into his stomach, his head was throbbing from holding in his tears, but he had no choice but to sit through this. 

"I'm not going to name any names here, but some of the fanservice in tonight's show was a little over the line. We are not Super Junior, we can't get away with kissing each other on stage. Just-uh-yeah. That performance is being uploaded as we speak, so be prepared for a lot of strange news headlines next couple of days," Dahyeon explained, standing up and leaving the dressing room at once. 

Hansol curled up into a ball, resting his head on his knees. He couldn't take it anymore, he just couldn't. He was humiliated and ashamed and it was taking every inch of his willpower not to burst out into tears right then and there. 

-

The ride home was a painfully silent and awkward one.   
Nobody wanted to address the elephant in the room, and Hansol would rather die than look anyone in the eyes.   
He pulled out his phone, hesitantly checking Twitter. He knew he wouldn't like what he saw, but he couldn't help but look. 

SVT comeback stage was phenomenal, even without the fanservice

Vernon and Seungkwan share steamy kiss during comeback stage

BREAKING live verkwan kiss on stage during Mnet comeback show

Hansol sighed, rubbing his temples. 

_'They even have a ship name for us? Jisoos Christ, my life is ruined..'_

Once they returned home, Hansol went straight to his room, collapsing into bed. He hoped he could nap away the embarrassment of that day. After some time, Soonyoung came into their room, "Sol, it's time for dinner, do you want..any..?"

Hansol only groaned in response, not moving an inch. He thought he'd made himself pretty clear that he wasn't in the mood. 

"Alright then.." Soonyoung left their room, shutting the door behind him. 

Hansol recalled the event of that day hundreds of times over, more embarrassed each time. 

'_Seungkwan's lips are really soft. If it's any consolation, the kiss would've been great if I hadn't basically sexually harassed him in front of thousands of people. God I'm such a fucking idiot, what was I thinking?! The only silver lining is that they all think it was just fanservice.'_

Eventually, Hansol managed to fall asleep. He tossed and turned quite a bit though, and the sleep he had wasn't great, but better than nothing.


	9. Open Up My Eager Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungkwan an Hansol are send to run an errand, which leads to Hansol doing something incredibly bold...and stupid.

Another week passed, and it was the worst one yet. Hansol could barely bring himself to look Seungkwan in the eyes, let alone hang out with him.   
No movie nights, no cuddles, no nothing. Hansol was pretty much icing out everybody, but Seungkwan was certainly getting the brunt of the impact.

Seungkwan was upset, obviously. He tried to get Hansol to hang out with him at first, but eventually gave up.   
He hated not getting attention from his best friend. 

The rest of the group certainly picked up on their problem. The whole group vibe just hadn't been right; it was exactly what Hansol was afraid of. 

By the end of the week, Seungcheol had enough of the ridiculousness. He called a meeting with Jeonghan, Jisoo, Jihoon, and Soonyoung. They all went into his bedroom, waiting expectantly for Seungcheol to tell them something. 

"What going on, Cheolie?" Jisoo asked, picking up on Seungcheol's uneasy demeanor. 

"Seungkwan and Hansol aren't speaking to each other after the...incident last week. We've got to fix it," he said simply, sitting on the edge of his bed, jiggling his leg impatiently. 

Soonyoung sighed, rubbing his forehead, "Anyone got any ideas?"

"And..just so we're all up to speed here, we all know about 'the situation', right?" Seungcheol added, raising an eyebrow as he eyed up the guys.

Jisoo cleared his throat, running his fingers through his hair, "Is 'the situation' the thing about Hansol and Seungkwan have a ton of romantic tension but they don't know it yet, and we all know about it, but they don't that we know that they don't know about what they probably don't want us to know, but we know that they know that we know-"

"-Yes, Jisoo, that..is right," Seungkwan cut him off, "Anyway, what are we gonna do about this?"

"Guys guys guys.." Jeonghan said confidently, taking a step forward, "Leave this to the romance expert."

Jihoon raised an eyebrow in confusion, "who?"

"Me!" Jeonghan stamped his foot on the ground, pouting, "I'm the romance exp-ugh never fucking mind, just let me handle this," he huffed, leaving the bedroom and coming downstairs to the living room, where the rest of the members were.   
Jihoon, Soonyoung, Seungcheol, and Jisoo followed him down there. 

"Seungkwan, Hansol," the vocalist commanded briskly, snapping his fingers, "Come here."

The two hesitantly approached from opposite sides of the room, avoiding eye contact with each other. 

"Can you two go to the grocery store for me, we're out of..Soju and...rice noodles" he explained, a polite smile on his face.   
He could see that they were ready to give him some kind of excuse, so he continued, "Please, for your hyungie?"

They both sighed, nodding. They walked to the door, putting on their shoes and quickly leaving the dorm. 

-

The ride to the store was painfully awkward. Seungkwan drove, thankfully; he's a pretty good driver.   
Hansol kept his head down and his mouth shut. He hadn't been alone with him in over a week, it felt almost weird. He missed it, yes, but he was also wildly uncomfortable. 

Before he knew it, they were pulling into the parking lot. Seungkwan parked and shut off the Pledis van, unbuckling his seatbelt, "I don't have any pockets, can you hold onto these?" He mumbled, tossing the keys at Hansol and getting out of the van. 

Hansol was surprised by Seungkwan even speaking to him. He scrambled to get his wallet and phone and shove them in his pockets before exiting the car. 

The entered the store, Hansol grabbing a basket, and they headed down the noodle isle.   
Seungkwan grabbed a pack of rice noodles off the shelf and tossed them into the basket, "Kobe," he said, chuckling to himself, stopping when Hansol didn't laugh or even look up from the floor. 

They went to the next isle, getting a bottle of soju and putting it in the basket.   
They continued to walk through the store, in the general direction of the check out.

"Do you want any Melona while we're here? Or some microwave Tteokbokki?" Seungkwan asked, putting a hand on Hansol's shoulder. 

Hansol immediately tensed up, stepping away from him, "I-I'm good, thanks." He managed to mumble through a half-closed mouth. 

He sighed, "Ok, let's just go then.."

They went through self check out, scanning the items and paying.   
While they were in the store, it apparently started pouring rain outside, not to mention the wind was strong enough to blow a tree over, "Jesus, where did that come from?" Seungkwan mumbled as they exited the grocery store with their bags. Of course, no response from Hansol. 

They got to the Pledis van, Hansol put the bags on the roof of it while he went to get the keys to unlock it.   
He checked the front pockets. No keys.   
Back pockets? No keys. 

"Hansol, what's the hold up? We're getting soaked out here!" Seungkwan had to raise his voice over the storm. He walked around to the passenger side of the van where Hansol was, "I gave you the keys didn't I?!"

Hansol instinctively took a step back from him, looking into the passenger window of the van...where the keys were.   
He locked them inside.

The two apparently realized it at the same time, "Seungkwan, I'm so sorry.." Hansol slowly said, looking up at him. His hair was now wet, hanging in front of his face like a mop. He took another step away, "I'm sorry.."

Seungkwan brushed his hair out of his face, taking a step toward him, "Hansol, what the fuck his wrong?!" He yelled, startling Hansol. Seungkwan almost NEVER got angry. 

"I-I didn't realize I left the keys-"

"-That's not what I fucking mean!" He continued, bracing Hansol by the shoulders so he couldn't back away, "You haven't spoken to me in a week!"

Hansol's heart dropped into his chest, a lump forming in his throat. His brain was firing on all cylinders trying to think of an escape plan from this conversation, but he was coming up short on all fronts. He just stood there, too shocked to say anything. He wanted to cry, or run away, or something.   
He felt like a bomb about to explode. 

"You've been acting weird around me for MONTHS. Ever since..ever since the MAMAs! What the fuck is going on?!" He took a step closer, his fists clenching. Both of the boys were now soaked because of the rain.

The fuse was lit, and getting closer to the bomb by the second. Hansol couldn't take it any more. He was shaking, his hair slicked to his forehead, falling into his eyes and partially obscuring his vision. 

"I need answers! Give me answers! I need to know why you've been acting this way, Hansol!" Seungkwan demanded, an exasperated rasp to his voice as he yelled over a loud boom of thunder.   
He took a step closer to Hansol, poking an angry finger at him. They were standing right in front of each other now, "Please, just tell me!" 

The bomb exploded. 

Hansol grabbed him by the wet collar, he roughly smashed his lips onto Seungkwan's, squeezing his eyes shut. Their teeth clashed, their mouths didn't move together naturally.   
It wasn't the cute, romantic picture he'd painted in his mind of their first real kiss.   
It was ugly, anger-fueled, and borderline sexual assault.  
He didn't know why he did it, he regretted it as soon as it happened. 

He pulled away, shoving Seungkwan away and dramatically wiping his mouth on his sleeve, letting out a ragged breath, "That's Why! I'm in love with you, Seungkwan, fucking sue me!" He shouted, his voice cracking badly. He briefly covered his hand with his mouth, taking a step toward him again, "I'm fucking in love with you," he whispered, his vision started to blur from both tears and rain, he swallowed down a strangled sob, "I'm-I-I'm in love with you..Seungkwan," it was so quiet that time, he didn't even know if he said it outloud.

Hansol didn't care anymore. Everything was out in the open so he had nothing to lose. He let out a sob, his gaze falling back down to the ground. He cried, shamelessly. His chest ached, his stomach was in knots, and his whole body was shivering and wet. He wanted to disappear. 

Seungkwan was frozen on the spot for several seconds, unsure of what to say or do. He was in shock, for obvious reasons. 

Another beat of painful silence passed. 

He lurched foward, wrapping his arms around Hansol, pulling him close.   
He gripped the boy as tight as he could, stroking the back of his head gently. 

Hansol relaxed into the hug, weakly wrapping his arms around Seungkwan's torso, gripping his now-soaked tshirt for some purchase. He sobbed into Seungkwan's shoulder, his legs buckling underneath him slightly.   
They both slowly lowered down to the ground, sitting up against the side of the van, still hugging tightly. 

"Uh, it's ok, Solie.." Seungkwan cooed gently, also shivering since the rain had soaked through all of his clothes, "It's ok..."

Hansol didn't have the energy or mental capacity at that moment to have any sort of logical thought. All he could do was cling on to Seungkwan like a drunken koala until he'd calmed down. 

It took several minutes, but officially he let go of Seungkwan, pulling away slightly and looking him in the eyes, "Seungkwan..I love you so much," he sniffled, wiping his eyes, "I'm so sorry."

Seungkwan scooted a bit closer, placing a comforting hand on Hansol's shoulder , "Don't be," he said, "Don't apologize for the way you feel...Ok well for future reference, the non-consentual kiss might garner an apology...but in this case, it's all good. We can move past it."

Hansol nodded in reply, wiping some rain off of his face as he chuckled politely. He slowly let go of Seungkwan's hand, standing up, "I'm gonna go ask the store manager if they've got a lock picking kit or something because we can't stay in the rain forever," he yelled over a rumble of thunder. 

-

After a dreadful 15 minutes, Hansol was able to open the car door with a wire hanger. Upon retrieving the keys, they piled inside the car, sighing. They were both completely soaked, though they didn't think much about whether or not they were dirtying the interior of the car. 

Seungkwan started the car and they drove off, headed home.

"I'm sorry again, about the keys," Hansol mumbled as they pulled out onto the road. He bit his lip, glancing at Seungkwan. 

He smirked, leaning back in the driver's seat, "Water under the bridge. Of course, I'll definitely clown you for it for at least another week," he chuckled, nudging Hansol on the shoulder. 

The two continued their usual banter during the rest of the drive. It was just like old times; no awkwardness, no weirdness. Seungkwan acted as if their little conversation never even happened, and even though he wanted to be happy about it, Hansol was still upset. 

Of course he was, he'd just gotten rejected.   
Seungkwan moved past Hansol's confession so swiftly and without any follow up questions; the only explanation was that he was rejecting Hansol but didn't want their friendship to be messed up, so he just bulldozed right through the whole situation. 

_'Oh well, I guess I've just got to get over him now lol.'_

They returned home to the dorms, trudging into the living room with exhausted looks on their faces, "Jeonghan-hyung, we've got your precious soju!" Seungkwan loudly announced, holding up the grocery bags triumphantly. 

Most of the members were in their own rooms, except for Jeonghan and Seungcheol, who were in the kitchen and living room respectively. 

"Ooh thank you so much got going to the store!" Jeonghan came rushing into the living room, "Oh my god! You boys are soaked, aren't you!? How did this happen?"

"I accidentally locked us out the car for 20 minutes.." Hansol mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck and glancing up at Jeonghan. 

Seungcheol got up from the couch, approaching the three, nonverbally joining the conversation. 

He rubbed his forehead, letting out a small sigh, "Did..did anything else eventful happen?"

Hansol blanched, half-expecting him to spill the beans about what Hansol did. His gaze wavered between Seungkwan and Jeonghan anxiously. 

Seungkwan hesitated for a moment before answering, "No. That was it. Here's the groceries," he said shortly, handing him the bags, "I'm gonna go shower and go to bed. Goodnight," he said speed walking to the bathroom.

Hansol stood there for a moment, frozen, recalling the events of earlier. What he said, how Seungkwan reacted. Suppose it was simply a delayed reaction, but it didn't hit him until then, "It's over..It's all over," he whispered hoarsely, the moment Seungkwan was out of earshot; he could practically feel his heart breaking into a hundred pieces. He walked over to Seungcheol, wrapping his arms around him and burying his head in his shoulder, "It's all over," his face felt hot, a lump forming in his throat again, "I'm so stupid.."

Seungcheol wrapped his arms around the poor boy, Jeonghan approached them and did the same. Hansol didn't have to explicitly say what happened for them to understand. 

"Aw, it's ok, baby," Jeonghan cooed, rubbing Hansol's back and giving him a kiss on the cheek, "Unrequited love is just a part of life. I'm sorry you had to go through it this way."

"I-I told him-I t-told him I love him.." He mumbled into Seungcheol's shoulder, "I kissed him. Why did I kiss him?!"

Seungcheol sighed, running his fingers through Hansol's hair, "Sometimes our feelings are so strong that we don't know how to properly express them..and it makes us do stupid things," he gently explained, wiping a stray tear off Hansol's cheek, "I know it doesn't feel like it, but you'll move on. You and Seungkwan's friendship doesn't have to be ruined."

Hansol pulled away from his hyungs, sniffling, "Y-you're right..I'll b-be fine," he said, trying as hard as he could to not burst out into tears, "I'm gonna go ahead and g-go to bed.."

"Are you sure you don't wanna talk about it or anything?" Jeonghan asked.

He shook his head as he walked away, "No th-thank you. Goodnight, hyungs," he mumbled, disappearing from their field of vision as he walked down the hall, toward his bedroom.


	10. Hiding In My Castle But The Walls Are Made Of Styrofoam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the satisfying conclusion to the story, Hansol's world is changed when he hears a knock on his bedroom door in the middle of the night.

Hansol laid in bed, numbly staring at the ceiling. His pillow case was tear stained. His head vaguely ached. His eyes were puffy and irritated, and his skin was tight from the dried up tears.   
The crying part was over.  
Every single thought that contributed to his tears had already crossed his mind, every scenario, and every memory. 

He had nothing else to cry over, not after the painful 45 minutes of holding his hand over his mouth in a feeble attempt to stifle his sobs and not wake up Soonyoung.   
Not after the hour of recalling every beautiful moment he ever had with Seungkwan, and scrolling through old pictures of them together to supplement the nostalgia. 

Hansol came to terms with it. 

_'Seungkwan doesn't love you back, and he never will. That's it. It's all over.'_

Hansol blinked slowly, glancing at his alarm clock. It was nearly 2:30am. He'd been awake, wallowing in his feelings for almost 3 hours.   
He felt so many emotions. The obvious ones: heartbreak, emptiness, embarrassment, and fear. Of course then there were some surprise emotions that he was also feeling: Disgust, anxiety, anger, and many more that he simply couldn't identify.   
Above all, he was tired. He was just tired. 

Hansol flipped his pillow over, pulling the duvet up to his chin. He closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep. 

He didn't entirely know if he fell asleep at some point, but it sure didn't feel like it. His eyes shot open when he heard a knock on his bedroom door, sitting up immediately. He must've not been fully asleep yet if he heard it that quickly. 

He got out of bed, walking groggily to the door. He slowly opened it, his eyes widening as he found himself standing in front of Seungkwan, "Hey," he rasped, stepping out into the hallway and shutting his bedroom door. 

The moonlight illuminated Seungkwan's face beautifully, reflecting off of his mesmerizing eyes. He looked like he wanted to say something, but stayed silent. 

Hansol leaned up against the wall, running a hand through his messy hair, "What's going on? It's like 3am.."

Seungkwan gulped, pursing his lips as he stared at Hansol. He was very obviously anxious about something, "Um..I couldn't sleep, because I was thinking about..uh.."

"Seungkwan, are you ok? What's wrong?" Hansol asked, his eyebrows furrowing. His previous emotional state being temporarily forgotten about. 

Seungkwan blinked hard, taking a step closer to Hansol and nodding. He let out a sigh, "What happened earlier..at the grocery store.." His voice was hushed, he almost sounded like he was in pain. He was exasperated, like he'd been thinking too much and too hard. 

"Y-yeah?" Hansol affirmed, his chest tightening. His anxiety slowly started returning as he caught on to what Seungkwan was referring to. 

"I didn't react the way I should've..the way I wanted to.." he took another step toward him, they were standing too close for comfort, "I've been thinking about that moment ever since it happened.."

Hansol listened, his mouth agape. He was half asleep, and still trying to fully grasp what was happening. 

He then realized that Seungkwan looked dangerously close to breaking down into tears, his voice cracking with every other word, "I didn't want to say this until I was completely sure of myself..b-but I'm sure now," he rasped. The moonlight was just strong enough to show the tears running down his cheeks. 

Hansol wiped a stray tear off of Seungkwan's face with his thumb, his hand resting on the boy's shoulder.

Seungkwan gulped, rubbing his eyes in an attempt to pull himself together. He looked back up at Hansol, clearing his throat before continuing, "I'm in love with you too, Hansol. I love you. I love you so much."

Before Hansol bad the opportunity to process the words, Seungkwan's lips were on his. He squeezed his eyes shut, relaxing into the moment.   
This was _the_ kiss. The gentle, beautiful, _Consensual_ kiss that Hansol had fantasized about.   
He wrapped his hand around the back of Seungkwan's neck, pulling him closer.   
His heart was beating faster than it ever had in his life, his brain exploding with serotonin.   
He was in _heaven_.   
Seungkwan's lips were soft, and tasted like a mixture of tears and mint Chapstick. He was warm, enveloping Hansol in a tender embrace as they kissed.   
It was everything Hansol had ever dreamt it would be. 

After several seconds, Seungkwan slowly pulled away, sighing, "I love you, and I can't imagine my life without you."

Hansol nodded slowly, pursing his lips as he felt a fresh wave of tears wash over him aswell. He wrapped his arms around Seungkwan, burying his face in his shoulder. He didn't have the ability to form any words, he just let out a weird, choked kinda laugh, squeezing his eyes shut as a few tears fell down his cheeks.   
It was happy tears this time.   
It was _finally_ happy tears.

Hansol eventually pulled away, wiping his face, "I love you, too," he croaked, planting another soft, chaste kiss on Seungkwan.   
He then cleared his throat, "Can I..sleep in your bed tonight?"

Seungkwan grabbed Hansol's hand, lacing their fingers together, "You don't even have to ask, Solie," he grinned, pulled Hansol down the hall towards his room. 

They entered Seungkwan's room, quietly shutting the door behind them as to not wake anybody. Seungkwan sat down on his bed, pulling Hansol there with him, "So..I feel like it goes without saying at this point, but do you want to be my boyfriend?" Seungkwan asked, his lips curled into an infectious smile. The room was dark, but Hansol would hazard to guess that Seungkwan was staring at him intently. 

A stupid grin crawled onto Hansol's face, making his cheeks burn a bit, "Absolutely, Seungkwan," once his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he leaned over, pressing his lips onto Seungkwan's again.   
It was addicting. The spark, and the sweetness of Seungkwan's soft, plump lips. It always kept Hansol wanting more, like Seungkwan was a drug that he was getting hooked on. It was what he wanted for so long, and he finally had it. He was on top of the world. 

Seungkwan deepened the kiss, pulling their bodies close, savoring the moment. He ran his hands over Hansol's, gripping at his hips.   
The possibility of things getting steamier crossed his mind, but they'd only been boyfriends for about 12 seconds, and he'd rather wait. 

Once they did pull away, Hansol let out a sigh, staying close to his boyfriend, "I love you so much.."

"I know."

"Yeah well I wanna keep saying it."

Seungkwan giggled softly, running his hand through his hair, "We have the rest of our lives to say it...You wanna go to bed now?"

Hansol hummed in reply as he and Seungkwan crawled under the covers.   
Seungkwan wrapped his arms around Hansol, his hands balling in his tshirt.   
Hansol relaxed into the touch, closing his eyes. He buried his face into Seungkwan's chest, arm wrapped around his waist. If he was super still, he could hear Seungkwan's heart beat. 

"Goodnight, Solie," Seungkwan mumbled, holding onto his boyfriend a little tighter as he slowly succumbed to his exhaustion. 

"Goodnight, Kwannie," Hansol whispered, his eyes fluttering shut as sleep overcame him aswell. 

In the end, everything turned out fine for Hansol. Better than fine, actually, it was absolutely perfect.   
All of the tears, all of the sleepless nights, all of the stress, it all paid off because Hansol couldn't possibly be happier, and neither could Seungkwan of course.   
This was the start of something amazing, and Hansol couldn't wait for what was to come.  
It turns out, for Hansol, Seungkwan was just what the doctor ordered. 

The End


	11. Epilogue

"So basically...We're dating," Hansol announced, grabbing Seungkwan's hand. They stood together, in front of all the members, who sat in the living room and stared at them. 

The couple was met with a variety of reactions. 

Seungcheol, Joshua, and Jeonghan looked like proud parents. 

Soonyoung and Jihoon were smirking like they knew the whole time. 

Seokmin looked like he'd seen a ghost, "What?! Fuck.." He groaned, handing Mingyu a 10,000 Won bill.

The rest of the guys just looked indifferent to the announcement, nodding along supportively.

"So yeah..uh..that's it," Seungkwan mumbled, rocking back and forth on his heels, "Anyway...Who's hungry? I know I am! Let's go get some dinner!"

All of the guys practically jumped out of their seats at the proposal. The living room was filled with "oh yeah"s and "I'm starving"s. 

The members all prepared to go to some restaurant, gathering their things and putting on their shoes. 

Seungkwan turned to Hansol, his grip tightening on his hand, "Everything turned out ok after all," he whispered. 

Hansol grinned, pressing a chaste kiss onto his lips, "This may be cheesy, but it's better than OK, Seungkwan. This is perfect."

THE END


End file.
